"Everybody in the conference room, stat! We've got to discuss last month's TPS Report and Jill from Accounting made her famous Clam Balls, again!"
A big internet-sized 'thank you' goes out to Amalah for posting one of the greatest bad cookbooks ever - The Company Cookbook. Snarky comments and nausea inducing photos abound!
This Sunday, celebrate all that is brined into goodness at the New York Food Museum's Fifth Annual Pickle Day.
The event promises an array of pickled items from around the world, tours, and demonstrations all with a LES hipster-ratio of zero. Hurray for pickles!
While you're down there comparing Guss's and the Pickles Guys' products, make sure to stop at a few of the other terrific food establishments in the LES. I plan on hitting The Donut Plant at 379 Grand Street for a gigantic Valrhona doughnut, Kossar's Bialys at 367 Grand Street for the most historically-accurate bialys in NYC, and Russ and Daughters at 179 East Houston for some appetizing Sable. Mmmm. My husband is going to have to roll me home.
I am happy to report that the Vietnamese Pho Bouillon Cubes that I bought to make my Faux Pho are actually quite useful for other preparations.
The cubes make a delicious poaching liquid for fish. In a medium saucepan filled with water, I dropped in two cubes and waiting for a boil. Then I poached two inch-thick steaks of Black Cod for 10 minutes. I served the Cod atop sauteed spinach. Then topped the fish with a mix of thin radish slices and julienned lemon zest that was lightly pickled in rice vinegar. Scallion and Sesame Bulgar Wheat Salad served as a side dish. That is as fusion as I get.
Last night instead of adding stock to reconstitute my cous cous, I crushed a bouillon cube into a cup of warm water. The fluffy grains turned out well-seasoned, without being overly salty. Perhaps the secret of these cubes is that they contain fat, which cuts down on the salt content and keeps the flavors of chicken and spice true.
What's next? Maybe I'll mix a half a cube with melted butter and top this evening's movie night popcorn. Now that's just crazy talk.
Last Saturday night, Kris and I hosted an Indian Summer dinner party. In honor of the seasonally inappropriate heat wave, we decided to turn up the heat in our kitchen and turn out a full Indian meal.
Our cookbook collection contains only three volumes dedicated to Indian cookery. “Ismail Merchant’s Passionate Meals” is well organized and perfectly suited for first-time forays into the techniques and vocabulary of the genre. I also had two small booklets, picked up in Jackson Heights, which gave rather dry recipe instructions for regional specialties. Published in India for Indians, I didn’t have enough knowledge of the cuisine to feel confident using those books. So, I turned to Internet to fill out the rest of the menu. Epicurious had very few Indian recipes, but the ones I used were darn good.
A traditional Indian meal contains rice, bread, Dal, and several main dishes, redolent with exotic spices, served with various accompaniments. While the dishes we chose weren’t complicated, the sheer number of items kept Kris and I busy for two days in the kitchen. It was worth it.
Here’s what we came up with:
Papadam - These spicy Indian cracker breads are made with chickpea flour (besan) and studded with spices. I purchased mine from the Kalustyan market in Murray Hill and grilled them without oil in a hot cast iron skillet until crisp.
Sag Paneer - I am a rock star. I made my own paneer, Indian fresh cheese, from scratch. A gallon of milk, a couple of tablespoons of citric acid, and the belief that everything would turn out okay was all it took to make cheese in my kitchen. It was magical and therapeutic. The spinach sauce was quite easy and very delicious. I used a recipe found on Epicurious from Julie Sahni’s “Classic Indian and Vegetarian Cooking.”
Chicken Tikka Masala – I wanted Chicken Tikka. Kris wanted Chicken Tikka Masala. So I started the dish with a lovely yogurt marinade from Epicurious and Kris finished it with his own lip smacking Masala sauce. While Chicken Tikka is traditional, the Masala part was invented in England. However, it is now the most popular ‘Indian’ dish in the world. Ours really gives the cooks at Jackson Diner a run for their money.
Black Chick Peas in Chick Pea Sauce – Indian chickpea dishes (chana) are some of my favorites. I used a recipe from Merchant’s book that pairs black chickpeas with a besan-thickened sauce. The black chickpeas were firmer than the type I am used to, with a smokey flavor, and looked gorgeous in the dish. The sauce calls for making a roux out of the spices, tomatoes, and besan, then adding the cooking liquid from the chickpeas. Really different, really good.
Dal – I picked up a mix of yellow and red lentils from Kalustyan. That store has every bean under the sun, and at least five varieties of lentil. A little onion, a pinch of this and a pinch of that, and I had Dal. It turned a really pretty light yellow color, too.
Mint Raita – Raita is a yogurt sauce that serves as a cooling accompaniment to spicy dishes. Usually it contains cucumbers, but I decided to make mine with fresh mint and lime juice.
Mango Chutney – You can’t have an Indian meal without Mango Chutney, or at least Kris thinks so. Kalustyan’s store brand is great.
Lime Pickle – When hosting a dinner party, I believe that you should always put something on the table that is challenging, something that most people probably won’t like, but those that do will be thrilled. Lime pickle is super pungent and strangely addictive. Again, from Kalustyan.
Chapati – This is the wheat flour Indian bread. Kalustyan sells quite a few varieties of freshly-made breads.
Basmati Rice – Kris used Merchant’s rice preparation method, which resulted in beautifully plump separate grains. He also threw in a couple cardamom pods to the surprise of a few guests. Crunching down on a pod is a startling, if not entirely unpleasant, experience.
Gin & Tonics – Bombay Sapphire, lime, and tonic is my favorite drink… and no malaria for our guests.
Chai Panna Cotta – My husband is also a rock star. He translated a French recipe to make a super creamy, Indian-spiced panna cotta that was the perfect end to our meal.
We had a great time eating and talking with our friends. The multi-dish buffet-style Indian meal really encourages conversation.
I think that Indian Summer, like Chinese New Year, might become another John family tradition. Of course, I don’t want to wait until next year to cook the cuisine again. My cupboards are bursting with Kalustyan finds. I’ve already started experimenting with the besan.
The owner of two NYC raw-food restuarants has been arrested on indecent exposure charges, says the The New York Daily News.
I always suspected those raw-foodists were real wackos.
As if you needed further proof that Austrians were weird, the Viennese Vegetable Orchestra has a new CD.
Perfect cooking music, I'd say.
At their live gigs, when they're done playing music, they make soup.
In a groundbreaking move, Chef Thomas Keller has announced that Per Se will automatically add a 20% service charge to the check starting on September 1st.
The waiters aren't happy. Some industry insiders think the change is a bit foolish. I think it is a great idea.
One arguement against the service charge is that the diner will no longer be able to reward good service or punish bad service.
In my opinion, a superior dinner is a combination of excellent food and excellent service. I tend to tip based on the entire dining experience, from when I walk in the door until when the check is presented. Hell, I'll even take the condition of the bathrooms into consideration. If I am taking into account all of these elements, and you know that you do too, then why shouldn't the rest of the staff enjoy my largesse.
Conversely, if the service is bad, so bad that I want to punish someone, perhaps my dissappointment should be expressed to the management. Waiters are too busy to calculate what 12.75% symbolizes in terms of their personal performance.
Another arguement is that without the possibility of getting a 25% tip, waiters will throw food down on tables like they're slopping hogs.
If you work at a place like Per Se, I would hope that you have developed enough of a work ethic to want to do your job well, regardless of the tip. I don't have the promise of getting a 25% bonus and yet somehow I manage to perform well at work. If outside incentive does actually make better waiters, then how about monthly sales performance prizes. Then the reward would be less about the luck of getting Daddy Warbucks sat at your table, and more about driving up sales per customer. This way the server is really working for their employer, the restaurant, and not the unpredictable customer.
The final arguement is always about tradition. Servers have come to expect this kind of money.
Yes, they expect that they will never know how much they will make each night. They expect that they will not report their real income to the IRS. They expect that they will not have any retirement savings. They expect that they will not have health coverage. They expect that worker's comp will cover their broken tibia from the spill they took on the hollandaise sauce.
If you disagree, I welcome your comments. Please try and convince me that a national service charge wouldn't be an overall good for the industry.
After some late-night homework, I actually came up with One Hundred and Ten Ways to Say Delicious:
agreeable, alluring, ambrosial, amusing, appetizing, appealing, attractive, beautiful, best, blissful, captivation, celestial, charming, choice, clever, comestible, cool, copasetic, dandy, darling, delectable, delightful, delish, dishy, distinctive, divine, empyrean, enchanting, engaging, enjoyable, esculent, entertaining, enticing, entrancing, exquisite, fetching, fine, first-class, first-rate, flavorful, flavorsome, flavory, full-flavored, glorious, good, good-tasting, gratifying, heavenly, inviting, likeable, lively, lovable, lovely, luscious, lush, marvelous, mellow, mouthwatering, nectareous, palatable, paradisaical, piquant, pleasant, pleasing, pleasurable, pleasureful, primo, provocative, rapturous, ravishing, refreshing, relishable, rich, satisfying, sapid, saporific, saporous, savory, savorous, scrumptious, sensational, seraphic, sexy, snappy, sparkling, spirited, stimulating, succulent, sublime, superb, supernal, swell, tangy, tantalizing, tasteful, tasty, tempting, thrilling, titillating, toothsome, toothy, welcoming, well-flavored, well-prepared, well-seasoned, wholesome, wonderful, yummy, zestful, zesty
alluring, ambrosial, amusing, appealing, appetizing, attractive, beautiful, blissful, captivation, charming, choice, delectable, digestible, delightful, delish, distinctive, dishy, divine, eatable, edible, enchanting, engaging, enjoyable, enticing, entrancing, esculent, exquisite, flavorful, flavorsome, glorious, good, gratifying...
Happy 100th post, Kitchen Review!
I promise to stay hungry if you promise to keep reading.
Writing or photography that elicits passionate desire and a strong visceral reaction, often including salivation and hunger, but that does not result in actual consumption, is referred to as “food porn.”
Gourmet is often touted as the ultimate in food porn – eye-popping pictures, sensuous prose. The reader is sated by the idea of the food, not by eating it. You were never going to make that Arctic Char Gravlax with Cucumber Jelly, were you? And, how about those juicy Southeast Asian melons on page 37?
I’m a bit uncomfortable with the term. It’s a little too wrapped up in old-fashioned American-style Puritanical fears of the flesh, and denial of the pleasures of the table. But, I can live with it, which is good because it seems to be firmly planted in our pop culture lexicon.
However, the makers of Normandie Brie have taken “food porn” to a new level:
Barely legal, huh?
Of course, they are referring to the fact that their brie is produced by using raw milk and a low heat pasteurization method that preserves the ripening process, thereby allowing it to be sold aged under the 60-day US FDA regulations for raw milk cheeses. I’m sure the advertisement’s intended message is: “Our cheese is as authentic as the law allows.”
But anyone who has spent much time on the web knows that there is something else going on here. And if you are like me, you don’t want to consider the statutory rape of a cow. Not even if it proves a cheeses’ authenticity.
Let’s pretend that you have no knowledge of the ways and means of the internet porn trade. I’ll let you in on part of the 1 billion dollar secret. There is an entire category of pornography that is called “barely legal.” This type of porn features ladies who have just celebrated their 18th birthday. You can figure out the rest, can’t you?
Do the makers of Normandie Brie really want you to think about illicit sex when considering their cheese? Yes, advertisers often use sex to sell, but this seems a little beyond the pale. I think several things are going on here:
1.) Personal Perversion - I'm obviously a pervert who knows about categories of porn.
2.) Prole Drift - A topic that was once relegated to the lower depths of our culture, like NASCAR, has suddenly become acceptable in middle class society.
3.) Cultural Confusion - Normandie Brie is a French owned and operated company. The French are notoriously 'comfortable' with sex and may think that Americans would have no problem thinking about sex and cheese at the same time since the term "food porn" is in common parlance now.
4.) Honesty in Advertising - This advertisement tells the essential truth of the product. If we think of porn as being "substitute sex," we can most certainly think of Normandie Brie as being substitute cheese. The cheese is manufactured in Normandy, with some Normandy cow milk, but Normandie Brie is only produced for the American market. Real French name controlled brie, like Brie de Meaux and Brie de Melun, can not be pasteurized. The French eat raw milk cheeses aged less than 60 days all the time and don't think twice about it. This also explains the "ie" in Normandie. (And is reminiscent of strippers named Candie or Trixie, isn't it?)
I have never tasted Normandie Brie. I'm sure it is quite good. Just because it is pasteurized doesn't necesarily mean it is a bad product. It probably is the best brie that US law allows.
However, I've eaten real French raw milk brie and that stuff gets me really, really hot.
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